One of the here-and-there questions posed to Sockington (and occasionally me) are about this mysterious, shadowy figure named “Baron Von Shakymouse” who seems to be Socks’ confidant, companion, toy and mentor. Some people have been curious simply because they don’t know what he is, while others think they do and want to know where they can get a Baron Von Shakymouse(tm) for their own little roommates.
The Baron is basically a small mouse-shaped toy that Socks keeps around, either trotting around with it in his mouth or wresting to the ground and leaving the scene of the crime like a triumphant wrestler. The difference between the Baron and other cat toys is he has a small item inside him (don’t ask me how this works) that makes a rattling noise. This drives Socks crazy, and when he’s anywhere in the house and Food Guy or Food Lady shake the Baron, Socks is immediately summoned. This is how they brought him to the vet the last half-dozen times.
Socks also plays fetch with the Baron, bringing him to a sleeping food person and dropping it, and then waiting for the Baron to sail through the air so he can run after his “prey”.
I don’t buy into any of this, by the way. I’m more of a fabric snake and rug kind of lady, myself.
And if this isn’t obvious, there isn’t one single Baron (although Socks may think so); he destroys them within a day, so a constant refreshing of Barons must be ensured for him. There must be thousands of half- or quarter- Barons scattered in every corner of this home. Sigh.
Over two hundred thousand people have been convinced to follow sockington’s twitter feed, which pretty much seals the deal for me as to mankind’s hopes for the future. All I can say is thanks to whoever invented canned food, because when the coming apocalypse comes, I expect one of the zombie slaves to be able to continue our regular feeding schedule.
The whole thought made me hungry, so I was off eating when Socks’ newest message to his army was released:
Socks asked his army to send in photographs and video. He only gave them 60 minutes with no warning to do so, but over 200 people responded. In fact, they followed the Cat’s Way by not limiting themselves to one or two photos, or photos just of cats, or anything else. It’s quite a collection in there. I thought I saw myself a few times, so I’m glad that when I finally make it official that I own this house, I have a couple other cats who can stand in for me at functions and during any potential coup attempts.
Seriously, he passed 223,000 earlier this morning. That means he’s on track to having a quarter of a million followers.
This morning, I woke up to discover that against all rhyme and reason, Socks now has over one hundred thousand followers. This is astounding – where did they all come from? Why did they choose to follow him? What possible means of trickery can I use to get them all to follow me? Why aren’t they following me now? What’s he got that I haven’t got? This has all the makings of a terribly pity party on my part. I decided to tell him I was commemorating his incredible achievement, but we all know the real story. Good thing he can’t read very well:
No doubt the press, Hollywood, and all sorts of crazy latchers-on will come out of the woodwork, but I think we can assume he’ll be the same old Socks, since dumb is dumb. I’ll do my best to stop him from signing any crazy contracts or agreeing to shill for some cat food or something. I wish I could say I was positive I’ll be successful.
The nice people who are deluded into liking Sockington (and myself, I assume) have been sending in greetings and photos to him this morning. Here’s a selection:
Quite a handsome bunch, I must say. Deluded, but handsome, beautiful cats. Maybe I don’t like cats in my own home, but when it comes to seeing them in general, I always appreciate a fine form.
Anyway, Socks has declared it Socks Day which sounds very fine and good but bear in mind he basically calls every day “Socks Day”.
Thanks, everyone, for putting up with him enough to enjoy my company.
When I started my own twitter feed to be able to give the other side of the story, I found the default backround drab and uninteresting. To my great delight, WaysideWaifs has provided me with an absolutely beautiful background icon! Thank you so much for thinking of me!
To celebrate 70,000 followers, Socks put together a pretty fun little music video. I say it’s fun because it shows off some of my superior fighting technique, and my enjoying a pleasant meal. Socks shows up as well. Thanks to all the new followers, even if you’re not following me.
A couple weeks ago, Socks randomly suggested a “Q&M” (Question and Meow) session, and roped me into it. He claimed he would have it ready for Monday. First of all, he doesn’t quite know what Monday is. Second, this took time–MY time–and I was busy. So here we have, just slightly later than scheduled, an interview with Socks (and myself), using questions posed by his legions of fans.
OH BOY HERE WE GO answers will be answered in the order they were recieved PLEASE HOLD
What?
@sockington Origin stories please! How did you come to live with hooman and @pennycat? What made you into the cat you are today? by eveykitty (Eveykitty)
BORN ON DISTANT PLANET AS CAT-EL travelled through space LANDED AT FARM complete superpowers AND NOW INTO THE SKY
They found him near a subway stop. For my own part, I successfully charmed my staff at a farm I was visiting and was immediately accepted as a member of the family. Greyboy showed up a few years later.
@sockington Oh Sockamillion you are so funny! A cat on twitter! How does this even happen!? by JupiterMonday (Pearson Taighnt)
SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE WIRES under desk of fatty food provider OR MAYBE IT IS MAGIC wooo
@sockington Sardines or Mackrel? by paperingasmile (Louise S)
WHAT
Those are fish. The elongated, tasty morsels, remember?
YES
Which one, then?
ALL
@sockington How many stars? by laura0141 (Laura Thomson)
NO IDEA WHAT YOU MEAN
I have to admit I’m confused too.
Not letting it stop me though so AFTER 120 STARS YOU FIGHT BOWSER
Uh, what?
ITSA ME SOCKINGTON
@sockington To what do you attribute your great popularity? by reidrankin (Reid Rankin)
WORLD-CLASS GROOMING PLUS SHAKYMOUSE EQUALS ARMY also do great purring
His guess is as good as mine, and his guess is horrible. I have no idea what people see in him. In a perfect world, I’d be the one with the tens of thousands of followers, while maybe a few minor moonbats would follow Socks and his twitchy rantings. But a perfect world this is not. However, I appreciate the many kind and discerning individuals of great taste who take the time to gaze upon me and marvel at my outlook, of course.
@sockington um do u need some cat food? by izsy_xox (izsy)
DEPENDS ON IF YOU HAVE ANY
We’re cats, izsy. We will continue to eat food until we explode. Socks, I suspect, would continue to eat after he explodes.
@sockington Do you play with toys? Which is your favorite? by shaetia1997 (shaetia)
LOVE BARON VON SHAKYMOUSE mostly because I know HE HIDES DELICIOUS FOOD IN HIS BELLY and I want to help it escape
@pennycat Q for Socks – Now you’ve got this army, what exactly do you intend to do with it? Is a @Sockington military coup imminent? by mishakidd (Misha the cat)
ARMY=love and treats and toys ONLY TAKEOVER WILL BE OF PET STORE TO ACQUIRE FEATHERS ON A STICK (parakopsicles)
@sockington What is the meaning of life other then food? by Gentandaruler (kamron ahmed)
My, that’s a difficult question. Well, there’s literature of course. Self-improvement and self-examination. Poise and manners and doing what’s right–all of these bring meaning. Socks?
WHERE’S THE FOOD
There’s no food, Socks. It was a question.
OH GOD I DIED OF STARVATION
No, you didn’t. Hush.
AH-HAH SHHHH FOOD COMING SHORTLY
@sockington Which is superior? Cardboard scratchers, or carpet scratchers? by vectorwolf (vectorwolf)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch OOOO scratch scratch SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH
Well, there goes the study. Personally, I just go for the couch. Perfectly arranged in the center of my daily tour, and so well made! I’m convinced they’re built for cat-scratching first and human-sitting second.
@sockington Have you ever considered adding a title to your name and going as Lord Sockington or similar? by hamiltonthefish (Alexander Hamilton)
ALREADY AHEAD OF YOU current name is THE MOST ESTEEMED MISTER SOCKS ESQUIRE you can call me socks
Cats don’t generally go for honorifics, Alexander. We just assume we’re honored, no matter what.
@sockington Do you have a New England accent? I just wondered because my kitties meow with a Kentucky accent. by djhein70 (Deb Hein)
YOU BET Y’ALL COME BACK
While I meow with a pleasant mid-atlantic lilt, Socks actually meows like whatever person, cat or appliance he just recently heard. Not an original thought in the little stump’s brain, I tell you. However, this has made him an excellent mimic, like the morning he woke me imitating a car alarm.
@sockington What’s a good way to make a cat get out of your bed if it is sleeping there ALL DAY uninvited! by toastedbeagle (Suz)
Let me step in here. Why would the question of being “invited” possibly have relevance here? Everything is ours first, others’ second. We’re simply using our property to its fullest advantage.
PENNY IS RIGHT relavents ahoy
@sockington Where did you learn to write and at what age? by BeeBeeDuBois (Bridget Brown)
AM NOT A WRITER but able to pounce on keyboard and make GOOD WORD STUFF
@sockington what are your and penny’s favorite conversation topics? by DonnaNBC4 (donnamwillis)
ONE what is food TWO when is food THREE why is bird out of reach FOUR what was the question
Philosophy, psychology, literature, favorite napping positions, ideal perches, the relative tastiness of various birds and, of course, my good buddy Sockington and how to undermine him.
WHAT MINE UNDER ME NOW thought that was a basement
Not a difficult proposition, obviously.
@sockington wet or dry? by DjBradley (Bradley Fitzhenry)
I AM CURRENTLY DRY
I think they mean our food, Socks.
OOPS I MEAN WET
So you like… wait.. SOCKS! BAD SOCKS!
@sockington Now the real question is, do you like things suited for batting around, danglies, jinglies, and with or without catnip? by hazakaza (Melissa Newman-Evans)
IDEAL IS A BATTY DANGLY JINGLY WITH CATNIP
I must agree with Socks here. Any item with all of those qualities is a cat’s dream come true.
A few people asked about Socks’ age, and unfortunately for these inquisitive folks, Socks is totally unaware of when his birthday is, although the vet thinks he was about six months old when he was found, so that would make him about five years old now. A word of advice: please do not inquire about my age; I will simply say that I’m older than he is, and I’ve made good use of the time in the intellectual realm. Obviously.
@sockington staff training tips please – what works for you by Bitzy_Cat (Bitzy_Cat)
SHEDDING IS GOOD so is random yawping AND JUMPING ON GUESTS HI GUESTS
Socks is right on the money with this one. You know I must admit, despite his many deficits, Sockington is extraordinarily strong in the area of using negative reinforcement to make staff meet his needs.
RIGHT NOW NEEDS IS FOOD so where is fatty so I can SHED ON HIM
@sockington is it claustrophobic being so furry all the time? by HannahmRoman (Hannah Roman)
not quite sure what you’re saying OH YOU MEAN THE FUR well now that you put it that way I guess it scratches a little and WAIT AAAAA GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF
SOCKS! Oh, well, there he goes. He’ll simply writhe around for a minute or two, and by then he’ll forget what he was thinking of, so we can expect him back in a little while. In the meantime, let me answer one in his absence.
@sockington is it true that @pennycat is the one who really wears the pants…er um….fur in your family? by Monkey_Cat (Monkey Cat)
Well, I think the answer is obvious, right? He can manage Twitter, but when it comes to actually roping all the food people into fulfilling their duties, standing watch at night, ensuring safety within the home and answering e-mail, it all comes down to yours truly. The fact is, Socks just isn’t that smart. He’s the kind of cat who gets his head stuck in a box and then thinks the lights have gone out. Ah, and he’s back.
HI WHAT’S GOING ON
No, Socks, it’s what’s on YOU. Your FUR!
not quite sure what you’re saying OH YOU MEAN THE FUR well now that you put it that way I guess it scratches a little and WAIT AAAAA GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF
That is just too good.
@sockington Hey, I hope you’re taking care of your teeth. So many kitties don’t. by DentistryGuide (Your Dentistry Guide)
BITING EVERYTHING IN SIGHT tomorrow I hope to try a wall
Our vet, Dr. Storey, has been checking us regularly for a few years and says we’re doing pretty well. Occasionally we get tartar buildup and need some special treats, but have no worry, we’re both getting excellent medical care. No psychiatric help, though. I don’t need it, and Socks won’t sit still long enough to benefit from it.
Out of nowhere (like everything else), Socks indicated he would like to wear a hat. Thanks to the efforts of his army, suddenly, he was wearing hats.
Naturally, I thought it was horrible that everyone was going through such effort, so I politely asked that I recieve some hats too. And people were so kind!
Now that’s more like it! A calvacade of hats befitting a lady.
Also, iGaia has provided an excellent wanted poster, based on the obvious sinister look in Socks’ eye:
Well, one can’t blame people for being caught up the moment. A heartfelt thank you to Laurae Hall and Eveykitty for collaborating on this artwork. Now where’s mine?
I decided to see what all the fuss is about, so I’ve acquired an account on Twitter. I am Pennycat on there, and I will be spending some of my spare time seeing what this is all about. Socks is quite excited about this new turn of events, but he would be; he gets excited when a car drives by outside. Or when he turns in a new direction.
This is all very new for me; I’m from the farm, people. It was hard enough to get the whole “blogging” thing down, and twitter seems more appropriate for someone of Socks’ temperament, but I’m willing to give it a shot; never let it be said I won’t try and innovate.
I look forward to meeting some of you through that, and maybe getting to understand your love of that dope.
Socks and Penny receive excellent medical care at the Weston Veterinary Clinic in Weston, MA, under the care of Dr. Neil Storey and the rest of the top-notch staff.
